Argos, Unknown

This lovely dog trotted up to me while I was waiting for my item to be collected in Argos in the N1 Centre (now Angel Centre?). I can't remember what I was buying, I imagine it was some piece of desk equipment for an organisational phase of my 'get your life together' scheme.

Totally at ease, he just wandered around the foyer of touchscreens and idle shoppers as if it was his living room. The staff weren't bothered or surprised by him and customers didn't seem to mind, or even notice, he was there. He didn't have an owner with him, but he didn't look uncertain or out of place. Spotting me he came straight over to my bench and gestured for a bit of attention and a scratch behind the ears. He wasn't overly keen or clingy but neither did he give off a fearful or tense vibe; just very at peace and relaxed, with a real sense of friendship about him. I loved the little feeling of being chosen to be stroked by him, particularly as this was a day of mundane tasks like 'nipping to Argos'.

It was a mundane day in the midst of a mundane year, full of sadness, disappointments and dealing with the daily drudgery of ‘just-getting-on-with-things' after a big break up. A break up that had left me feeling dull, ugly, boring and like I had been abandoned for far more exciting worlds across the sea. I was wearing my work coat I wear for dog training in the winter which makes me feel 'functional' and unexciting. Getting older, aging into becoming a dog trainer and living a far quieter life than the teenage version of myself ever dreamed of can, guilty as I am to admit it, feel like a bit of a sad anti-climax.

As other people in my life have babies, get married, star in TV shows, win awards, release albums and make the art they always thought they would, letting my own failed attempts of these go and just focusing on the 'task at hand' of 'completing my dog course' and 'nipping to Argos' to help 'organise my desk' feels so underwhelming. Especially when you are deeply single, recovering from heartbreak and have spotted yet another grey hair in the mirror that day. When people ask what I'm up to and I tell the truth they appear bemused at best and then move on to some news of someone else's marriage or baby or headline show.

For this dog to make such a direct choice to come over to me that day felt special. I then realised I had bought my coat because a simple silhouette helps a dog gauge a clear outline without any buckles or straps. It must have smelt of treats too, I'm sure, which always helps. His choice made my coat feel informed. As I feel so comfortable with dogs now, I didn't get tense as he came over which must have encouraged him too. I also didn't overload him with too much overwhelming attention as I used to with dogs in the past. He could feel comfortable around me and I knew how to greet him in a way that wasn't confrontational. No longer feeling dowdy and sad, I felt qualified, in control, experienced and full of love. At that moment I named him Argos, literally because I was in Argos.

Argos seemed like a young adult and my guess is maybe a mix of Patterdale Terrier, a tiny bit of staffy? Maybe some greyhound? Who knows really and does it even matter ?. He seemed a bit of a mystery. Later I realised Argos was the name of Odyseuss' dog in the Odyssey and enjoyed that I had accidentally named him that. It felt appropriate though. He seemed lost and abandoned. Had his owners forgotten him and gone off to bigger and better things too? Argos coming up to me felt strangely fateful. The fact that this Argos he had been left behind but was OK was comforting. 

Getting this kind of attention and warmth from such a friendly dog really cheered me up during such a bog standard day and validated my choices that so many people have been deeply confused about. The relationships that humans have with dogs and the support they give us is unparalleled. This little moment with Argos reminded me of why I got into dog training in the first place. How much they can truly help me when I'm down, unlike anything else really, and how much that means to me. My order was ready to collect, and as I stood up he sauntered off again. 

Later in the day I walked past Angel tube station and saw Argos with a group of homeless men near the Natwest bank. Argos' owners! They seemed happy and playful with him, a tad drunk (was that a K Cider?).I couldn't really imagine how difficult life must be for them but to have such a friendly dog like Argos by their side must make a difference.I felt grateful for my biggest issue being my 'mundanity' while I was buying things for my new flat, a detail I had omitted in my earlier pity party. Guilt panged, as it always does, but I learn new approaches

to it throughout my life. These homeless men looked truly abandoned. Is that what Argos represented? I didn't ever see them, or Argos, again. I hope we're all going to be OK on our relative Odysseys. I'm going to assume they're all fine. I'm sure Argos is fine. And so am I. I'm sure.